no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As shirtless as possible
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
