it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
