guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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