I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
