Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
