A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
