All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
