I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
