living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
