Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
