Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
