he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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