Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
