If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Less talking, more tequila
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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