woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
