you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
