ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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