you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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