He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
