She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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