i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize