Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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