My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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