you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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