Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
