If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
