I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
