So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
