I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
