Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
