My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
