So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
