Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
