Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
