my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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