just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
