I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
