Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found your dick twin last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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