you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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