So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
