I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
