I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
