so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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