you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
