bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
