the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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