She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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