Nicole vs. Life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
