Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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