One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
