You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
where am i from again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
