I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Where is the hickey?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
