Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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