all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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