Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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