guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
