Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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