I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
