I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
