Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
