Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
