shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
