pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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