Quick, to the slutcave!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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