I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
