i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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