i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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