I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
