So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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