Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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