i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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