The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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